Caught!

kanan caught candy

This is a reenactment of what I discovered. Imagine this with chocolate all over his face and his hand in the candy bag.

Tonight, after an hour-long good night conversation with my husband Owen on the phone, I hung up the phone and attempted to get some last-minute, late night work in before I went to bed. It was approaching 10 o’clock. But then I heard a little child’s voice in my bedroom and realized Kanan was awake. I peeked into the room, expecting to see my sweet little son in his bed with his legs in the air and a car in his hand or something. But no. Instead I found my son, face covered in chocolate, sitting in the center of the floor amongst a pile of empty Halloween candy wrappers, lolly pop sticks sticky and bald, with his hand in his Halloween bag reaching for more. My mouth dropped open. He just sat there staring at me. Then I said, “Kanan, what did you do?” and he ran into his bed embarrassed and started to cry.

I cleaned him up. Brushed his teeth again. And explained to him that he can never do that again. That he must ask me before he can eat candy. And that he can get sick by eating that much. He said okay. It was adorable.

candy eaten

I discovered two more bald lolly pop sticks after I took this photo and threw out the candy.

I cleaned up all the candy wrappers and took the pictures for record. After the last photo, I did find two more bald lolly pop sticks. So all together he ate 7 lolly pops, half of two other lolly pops, a bag of Skittles, and one Reeses Peanut Butter cup. He was up for that entire hour I was talking with Owen, eating all of that candy. our

I learned a valuable lesson today. Never ever ever leave the Halloween candy bag on your dresser in the bedroom. Your two-year-old will find it. And he will eat ALL of it.

Kanan Loves To Paint Pumpkins!

nolan birthday_retreat in Oct_and pumpkin painting 2009 030
Last Monday—Colombus Day, Kanan got a cute little pumpkin from his daycare provider Bobbi. When we brought it home, we decided it needed some color. So I pulled out my acrylic paints, laid out some newspaper, and let Kanan have fun. He loved to dip the brushes in the thick, bold paint and mix colors in ways I never thought possible! Check out some of the cute pics on our Flickr page. Happy October!

Our Vegas Wedding!–October 1, 2009

Our Special Day
Thank you to everyone for supporting us in our passionate decision to marry this October 1, 2009! We have a reception planned for January 2, 2010 and while we have to keep it fairly small, we look forward to celebrating with our closest friends and family members! In the meantime, please check out our Flickr pictures on the right here. There are a bunch taken at the chapel by the Shalimar Chapel photograher and as soon as our family members email the ones we took before and after the ceremony, we will post those. There are some great shots of us with our parents and siblings.

Joys and Sorrows

Today, I sat having lunch with some ladies from my work who I barely know. One of them is well into her fifties, with brown short hair and laugh lines around her eyes. She said that she is not even the same person she was when she was twenty-five. Then she she sat silent for a second, holding her fork in her hand a bit before putting it down and admitted she still hasn’t figured out who she is. I nodded my head in agreement and shared the wisdom I have gained in my humble twenty-nine years. While I could say it is wisdom that I have gained without help, I would be lying. This was wisdom shared with me about a year and a half ago, but of which I merely filed away to be digested later. This year I see it. I believe it. And I want to share it.

We may never figure out who we “are” and that is okay. We are who we are today. We are constantly growing and changing as we experience life and its joys and trials. I am not who I was when I was ten. I am not who I was when I was seventeen. And I am certainly not who I was when I myself was twenty-five. And that’s okay. If anything, it’s actually a blessing. Because for me, I believe I am better than who I used to be. And while I still have much more growing to do before I reach my ideology of what I hope to be one day, I am one step closer everyday because of God’s grace and teaching—how he uses the experiences of my life to shape me and mold me.

My mom told me that when you go through hot water in your life you can act like one of three things: carrots, eggs, or coffee. You can get soft and weak, you can get hard and not allow yourself to be vulnerable, or you can change the flavor of the hot water. No matter what, we will go through joys and sorrows in our lives. God promises we will. But he also promises that if we lean on him, He will continue to help me change for the better and grow strong. Continue reading →

Summer of Love: in memory of…..well, love

Amatuer poems and prose written by Me at various times in my youth, for the different loves, and almost loves in my life.

Freshman year, 1993—-Robert

Feather

Just like a feather

from a magnificent bird

was the way you swept through my fingers.

Maybe it was love?

That I don’t know

but something was there

and now it’s gone.

March 1995—Ryan , my first love

Not Long Enough

Words can’t explain it

but do you feel the same?

don’t talk, don’t say a word

I know

I already know

hold me, kiss me, touch me, love me

I gave you my innocence

now take it with care

don’t break it, its fragile

how precious

it’s full of love, wanting to give more

hold me, kiss me, touch me, love me

forever is not long enough.

July 15, 1998

In This Search

In this search for the one with his eyes

the eyes that penetrate through me

the eyes that read me

the eyes I get lost in

the eyes I don’t fear looking into mine

for they’re the eyes that love me

In this search for the one with his hands

the hands that cup my chin

the hands that run through my hair

the hands that with the slightest touch on my skin

fill me with contentment

the hands I don’t fear holding me

for they’re the hands that protect me

In this search for the one with his voice

the voice that alter with emotion

the voice he only lets me hear when we’re alone

the voice that can loves to sing regardless of skill

the voice I don’t fear hearing

for its the voice that makes me smile

the voice I’d know anywhere

In this search for the one with his mind

the mind that ponders

the mind that doesn’t give up

the mind that craves knowledge

the mind I don’t fear helping

for its the mind that helps mine

In this search for the one with his heart

the heart that bleeds

the heart that cries

the heart that loves Jesus

the heart I don’t fear holding

for its that heart that also holds me

In this search for the one with his soul

the soul that is alive

the soul that glows with contentment

the soul that loves my God

the soul I don’t fear knowing

for its the soul that dances with mine

Where do I find who I am searching for?

He can’t be the one I long for

Where do I find the one with all his traits but one?

Where do I find the one who will never stop loving me?

March 25, 1999—Cameron

My Love

The eyes of my love

are warm baths

soothing and comforting.

The lips of my love

are royal pillows

made only for me, the queen.

the hands of my love

are leather

strong and worn

yet they turn to velvet

with the slightest touch on my skin.

The heart of my love

is a furnace

full of warmth and light.

Time is ticking….where are you my love?

 Spring 2001—-Michael and friends

Whispers

Memories travel like a whisper int the dark

I can still hear the whispers from years ago

In dreams, I see bright light through my eyelids.

Mikey says the scent of Heavenly gives him butterflies

His touch sends tickling fingers down my spine

His lips taste salty sweet

His whispers urge me to stand on top of Big Bear Mountain and sing

Purple sounds like drum and bass

Spring break 1998—Lake Havasu, Arizona—Barbie Matzke falls down in the dirt laughing

hysterically–she thought we were floating on a raft, but we were napping in our tent

we weren’t napping, we were daydreaming.

Santa Ana winds wrap warm blankets between still, cold air

Kaden is a perfect name for a child

My name is Theresa because that’s what everyone calls me

We howled Pink Floyd’s “Two Lost Souls Swimming in a Fish Bowl” late into the night

The small lips of peace and contentment kissed our eyelids as we fell asleep.

His sheets are as white as night.

I’m flying above him now, can he see my wings?

Treese is too passionate for the Average Taurus

but this Taurus’s whispers drive her passions.

Cold blankets make December nights numb.

I’ll have to whisper through the pounding rain for him to hear me.

Quiero que besarte otravez

daffodils in my garden flirt with the sunlight

whispers float through the clouds, through my window, through my mind.

 

Falling in Love—date written, unknown

I love the butterflies, the dizziness, the warm feeling that spreads over my body when I think of him or talk to him. I love the innocent and naïve infatuation with everything and anything he says or does. I love the random moments when he crosses my mind. I love the fantasies and dreams of laughter, friendship, and romance.

But falling head over heals is such a paradoxical transition isn’t it?

Bitter

s

w

e

e

t

The bitter comes with the uncertainty. The fear of losing what I have yet to call mine. The moments when he doesn’t say something utterly romantic and I fear—oh no, he is over it!! The fear—the fear of loss, the fear of gain, the fear of life changing. The continuous need for reassurance when I hate being that way. But doesn’t falling for someone change us momentarily into these babbling, needy, idiots?
 
I hate the inability to just sleep, the fear of being played—not believing that this person who seems so perfect at this moment could ever want to leave the attention of all those other women for just me.
The knowledge that this person will by no means be perfect, and the excitement and fear that I could possibly be intimate enough with him to get to know those flaws and grow to love them. 

The things I love and hate about falling in love: the paradoxical hope and fear that somehow through all of this, everything will change.

Yes, falling head over heels is a combination of both
                                                           y
                                                    s

                                            a

t

s

c

E

and

P

a

i

n

both at the same time, mixing around in my brain and in my stomach. I want the feelings to go away, but at the same time, never want them to leave.

Am I the only one? No….I know this is part of it. This is part of what I have gone through so many times in my life—each time, hoping this one is for real. Each time, disappointed in someway. Each time, swearing to never go through it again. Each time, surprising myself because I still feel like I did the first time I fell for someone—13 years old all over again. So uncertain about where my life is going. So uncertain about who I am or what I really want. So child-like and vulnerable. So stupidly giddy and willing to sacrifice all in the name of some fantasy only Cinderella and The Little Mermaid truly experienced.

I’ve been told to put on my goggles and dive in. Otherwise, how else will I find that prize winning fish?

And so I do—but I don’t dive in

I do a cannon ball.

 

Back and Ready as I can try to be

miami 4The last couple of weeks have been nonstop. No wonder I got sick. After slamming out interviews, giving finals, moving out of my classroom, packing for Miami, vacationing in Miami, driving up to Vegas for the weekend and then back down, it is no wonder I have been diagnosed with a double ear infection, bronchitis, and sinusitis. Phew! But I’m feeling okay and I’m ready to start this vacation. Especially knowing I have a job to show up to on August 13.

South Beach Miami was a great time aside from being ridiculously expensive. I allocated 100 bucks a day for spending and I blew through that (100 bucks) just the first night. How I was going to factor in the day took another day to figure out. And Lael and I were not evening living it large out there. The problem is that in South Beach— a Snapple costs 6 bucks, every restaurant automatically adds a 20% gratuity, and a cocktail costs 15 dollars. Shopping? All the choices in area near our hotels were high couture shops. So….we had to make some adjustments. Breakfast was the toast and coffee offered by our hotel. Lunch was beach-side made of cheese, yogurt, lunch meat, and crackers we bought at a local market. Dinner we splurged. Before nightlife, we had homemade cocktails in our room. And on the dance floor, we bought 6 dollar bottles of water instead. Although, I only danced one night. I hate dancing. The other nights I sat back and watched and chatted with other tourists or ran around taking photos. 🙂

We did take a tour of Miami one day, however. We got to see some beautiful neighborhoods in Coconut Groves, eat empenadas and buy cigars in Little Havana, and check out the celebrity homes on the islands there on a Ferry ride. Unfortunately, we couldn’t afford the snorkling trip we had planned or renting Vespas and cruising around town.

On Sunday, on our flight to Miami, I sat next to a nice guy named Carlos who grew up in Miami. He offered to give Lael and I some tips on where to go and where to eat while we were there. And he even met up with us a couple of times. We tasted some amazing Cuban food because of him and learned a lot about a crazy form of Brazilian martial arts that he was into although, I don’t remember the name.

SDC11648On Monday afternoon, as Lael and I were coming into our room after a splendid day at the beach, we were greeted by two beautiful young women from Minnesota. They had come in the day before as well and wanted to see if we wanted to get together that night for some dancing. What a great pair they were. We had an awesome time mimicking their Minnesota accents and dressing up, borrowing shoes, talking about girly stuff, and hitting South Beach as a four-pack instead of two. We enjoyed their company so much, we are now Face Book friends and plan to maybe take a trip to Minneapolis and come visit. We spent a lot of time with them over the week—beaches, shopping, lunch, and night life—and have some hilarious pictures to prove it–although I still need to get Lacey to post them.

Earlier Monday, Lael and I accidentally laid out in the gay part of the beach. We didn’t notice the two rainbow flags 300 yards apart and decided to set up shop right in the middle. An hour later, we pull our noses out of our books and figured it out when we notived a middle aged bleach blonde european step into the personal space of a flabby Native American. Too funny.

On the last night, I was exhausted and sunburned and ready to go to bed, but Lael dragged me out. We went to Clevelender with Carlos and this young man named Jonathan from New York who we met in the lobby earlier that day. Jonathan bought us a shot of Tequila and after that, I actually danced a little bit. But Lael topped it off. The tequila and the heat really got to her and she said she was too hot. I told her we had to leave anyway if we wanted to get a good nights rest before I early flight the next day. I told her she has been good her whole life and needed to do something crazy. If she jumped into the pool (outside bar and dance floor) we would surely get kicked out. But who cares, if we were going to leave anyway, right? So she did it. My sweet, good friend Lael, jumped into the pool. Jonathan followed. We got kicked out. And I never saw Lael with a bigger smile on her face, ever. Good times. 🙂

On my way back from Vegas on Sunday(another blog to come), I started to feel chest pressure and a cough. So now it is Thursday and I’ve got all the itises known to man. But I’ve got lots of plans through next week and as long as my son doesn’t get sick, we will be good. I missed Kanan sooooo much on the trip. I found that if I thought about him, I’d cry, so I tried to keep myself distracted. But it was great to hold him when I came back, smell him, and hear his sweet little voice. He has grown so much just in the week I was gone. This summer is going to be awesome. I can’t wait to spend quality time with my son, my friends, and family; and of course, to get some artistic me time in. My friend Kelley and I are working on a Christian Children’s book together and I need to do a page a day. I’d like to take a class at my church to further my knowledge of God, volunteer a bit at the Pregnancy Resource Center, and some how through it all, take another week long trip somewhere. We shall see. 🙂

2009–a year of change

Just within the last two days, so much has changed for so many of the people I know and love.

1. I got offered a job with Temecula Unified.

2. One of my friends just got engaged.

3. Another friend of mine just found out she is pregnant.

4. Another friend just reunited with his father after some time of estrangement.

5. Another friend’s family has reunited after 15 years of broken relationships and estrangement.

6. Another friend just learned she is moving to Europe for two years.

And that is just the last two days. Over the last couple of months, my brother has broken up with his long term girlfriend, been laid off, and finally rehired. My mother has found work after months of unemployment. My cousin’s biological family found her after 29 years. And one of my good friend’s passed the first step in her application process for the FBI.

So the change has been good for everyone, even if it took us through some roller coaster rides. If I get too analytical and I might start stressing about what will happen in 2010, but I am choosing instead to enjoy the change set forth for me in the next year, without knowing what will happen thereafter. And for everyone else as well.

Praise Report

As always, the Lord is good. He blessed me with a job offer from Temecula Unified today. But I must say, it was a roller coaster of a day. My poor adrenals never knew it so bad. It all started Monday when my colleagues approached me with an article in the newspaper reporting that our district will be able to hire 28 teachers back for a one year temporary contract. But then we figured, if we had to hear about it from a newspaper, we probably weren’t any of the 28. Well then as I was walking through the office, our school secretary told me that the principal wanted to talk to me. I went into his office and he proceeded to tell me that he may have some good news for me on Wednesday morning so that if Chapparal High School called me wanting me to sign a contract, to tell them to wait. I asked him how he knew I interviewed for a position with Chapparal High School and he said that they had called asking for a reference on me that morning, good sign. So for the last couple of days, I thought I might have a choice. So many pluses and minuses lined up for both schools. But how awesome it would be to have a choice, even though I didn’t really know what I would pick. I silently hoped God would just open one door because if two were opened, he would literally have to shout the answer down from Heaven in order for me to know which one he wanted.

This morning I come to school and open my email to find an email from our director of human resources. I wasn’t one of the 28. She recommended I take Temecula’s offer. So all day, I’ve been waiting for my administrators to finish calling back the school and giving their recommendations for me. And all the while, I am worrying about whether or not they would be good enough and whether or not they had wanted me or were deciding between me and someone else. But by three o’clock I still didn’t have a call and I began to think that I just didn’t get the position. Wouldn’t they know by now?

So I did what any stressed woman would do—I went and got a pedicure and bought a new outfit. And as I was paying for my clothes, my phone vibrated. I had a message. It was Temecula Unified, offering me a job. The message was left at 5:05. I returned the call at 5:35 to hear Chris, the gentlemen on the other end of the phone tell me that things had changed over the last 25 minutes and that the position may not even be available anymore for me to take as enrollment had decreased at one of the sister high schools. He said he’d have to call me back. I couldn’t help but laugh. This was getting ridiculous and I didnt’ have any tears left. But 20 minutes later, he did call me back, informing me that the position was still indeed available. And of course, I said yes. One door opened. Another closed. God might as well have shouted down from heaven, right?

Temecula, oh hot Temecula, here I come.

Yummy Crab Pasta Salad

yummy pasta salad

This is a doctored up version inspired by a relative from my past. Delicious! Refreshing! And can be adjusted to your tastes! 🙂

Here is my favorite version. And as far as amounts go, I don’t have any. I like to cook by how I feel. So cut the veggies and if you decide you want more, add more. Go with how you feel. If you like onions, add extra onions. If you don’t like too much carrots, then add just enough for color. You see what I mean? I’m planned in every part of my life except my recipes. But so far it has worked for me. Anyway here you go.

 Spring Crab Pasta Salad

  • Imitation Crab (or if you have enough money, go for it and add chunks of the real deal!)
  • tri-colored pasta (I prefer a mixed grain)
  • Vegenaise (or Mayonnaise if you want the real stuff, or even just some light olive oil if you don’t do mayo)
  • diced red and yellow bell pepper
  • diced red onion
  • diced green onion (chive and bulb)
  • shredded carrots (I prefer to shred them myself. They’re thinner and sweeter!)
  • diced red cabbage
  • sliced celery
  • chopped cilantro
  • thinly diced jalepeno (I don’t know how to add the tilde)
  • diced medium cheddar cheese
  • diced pepper jack cheese
  • cranberries (lots! Don’t be scared. This is the favorite part of everyone who tries this salad!)

Find a big, big bowl. Cook pasta, rinse in cold water. As the pasta is cooking, chop up veggies. After you rinse the pasta in cold water, pour into your big, big bowl.  Add veggies, mayonaise, and crab and mix thoroughly. Add more veggies or crab or mayo as you see fit.

If I don’t have imitation crab, I substitute the meat with canned chicken or tuna. With these meats, the cranberries are still divine, but raisins are also a good swap if you need a change. I sometimes add pesto to the mix if I am using chicken, which is a nice change sometimes too. But the above recipe is my all time favorite and it has been a hit with everyone I know who has tried it. Enjoy!